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Sunday, December 4, 2011

Provision

This past year has been such a long road with near constant struggle and we've ached for someone to just rescue us. To come and take all the hurt and hard parts away. And while God has taken care of us, through the help of many, we've often felt isolated. It's as if we are floating in the middle of the ocean and God is throwing us life preservers, but we aren't any closer to land. Disappointment lurks everywhere we turn. Probably like the israelites...wandering in the dessert, yet not entirely comforted by miracle shoe leather and breakfast on their doorstep, because they are, after all, still killing scorpions and looking for shade.

I'm so like them.

I don't want to have to trust. Every. Single. Day.

In the past we've had friends who've been our go-to people in a crisis...always jumping in, always ready to "activate the meal train". And there has been tremendous comfort in that. I appreciate having a bunch of faces to look at, friends who understand our life, anticipate ways to help and can be as available as their hearts desire. But one at a time so many of our dear friends have become long-distance companions. Others have gone through major life, job or health changes and we find ourselves without a cohesive sense of community, in the very period when we are the least capable of pursuing the very relationships we need.

And God whispers, "I AM. I will be your source. I will provide."

And He does. Like manna. Every day.

A new face at church. We both need "family" in town. A new friendship.

A young woman who needs the perfect job. Who knew in our mess we'd be perfect for anyone?? We are. And she is perfect for us.

A neighbor who rakes our leaves. And friends of friends take their Saturday to work on our yard and house projects.

Friends pick up birthday presents, bake a cake, research thanksgiving meals to-go, hold Ava, bring meals, send gift cards, money, emails and texts filled with encouraging scripture, and every day pray for and encourage us.

On one day alone, a colleague surprises us with a thanksgiving feast and teachers from Elizabeth's school give us a gift card, a beautiful bouquet, gorgeous specialty pumpkins for our porch and and notes for Elizabeth who's missed almost two weeks of school. Thanksgiving. Delivered.

Every day. "What is it?" We ask. Manna. This new kind of community. The only "problem?" None of these people know one another. They are "randomly inspired," wonderfully, generous souls who aren't on a checklist or a calendar. We can't arrange for it, organize it, or even anticipate it really, more than to simply know, somehow, God will provide. So our choice is to wait every day for God's provision, trust it will come, and if it doesn't look like it did yesterday, or doesn't look like what we need today, trust that it will be enough.

And when our "help" is sick or unavailable, or our much anticipated (desperately longed for!) visit from grandparents is delayed by a day (due to weather?!?) our task is to press into trust. To lay down our feelings of disappointment and entitlement because, "our life is hard enough already!" and trust that today's manna will fill our bellies and for this and much, much more, we have reason to be thankful.

For breakfast delivered by a colleague

A timely email from a friend to shake me from my trap of self-pity and remind me of the Truth. His mercies are all around me.

An excellent overnight nurse who responded quickly to Ava's new round of seizures.

A private room at the hospital & three healthy girls at home

Praying parents, and family and friends who remember us, inspire, comfort and encourage us.

A new Christmas album...cheery songs reminding me of the Hope we have.

You. Your prayers. Your friendship. Our manna.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

What an eloquent sentiment, even while being tossed on the waves of unpredictable life. You all are constantly in my prayers and thoughts. Your stamina, intelligence, and faith are so incredible to witness. God is using this now, but what he will do with all of this in the future is like a gift waiting to be opened. I sure wish there was something I could do to change the difficult circumstances, heal your precious treasures, or just buy you some rest, but I know that our God has all of those details well in hand and loves you more than anyone. I trust Him while I pray for you. Love, Corrie

Anonymous said...

Your words are amazing...you're gonna make a million bucks on the book. and the movie? I can't even imagine who will play Matt
I love you my dear dear sara
Mom

Sara said...

@corrie, thank you for your encouraging words. They are so life-giving for our hearts! We love you too dear friend!

Sara said...

Mom, I'm thinking' Tom Cruise, in some major lifts! ;)

Abby said...

I love your mom's sense of humor. :) I agree with you about Tom Cruise. On a more serious note, what came to mind yesterday when I read this was that in my human-ness, I didn't want you to have to learn this lesson this way. But I know better than to second guess God. And I also know how encouraging your response to this season is to those in your inner circle as well as those that have never even met you but know your story. It is not possible to know you and not see Jesus.

svea said...

Tears...tears...and more tears. I love your heart, Jesus loves your heart and I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Beckie said...

Sara, not sure what else I can add, except I agree with all the above comments!! You are continually in my prayers....you have a precious faith in God and your face always comes to mind when I'm trying to learn to be more faith-filled myself. Love you dear friend. Cling to Jesus...I know He hasn't let go.

Sara said...

Sweet Abby. Your words bless me. It's all grace. I can't believe how kind God continues to be to surround me with such friends with whom to share this journey. I love you.

sara said...

Beckie, you, my friend, come to mind more often than you know. Thank you for your encouragement.

Sara said...

Svea...I love you right back!

Amy said...

I loved reading this. You are so good with words. We think of you often and pray you get a break soon. I hope the test show something with Ava soon so you can figure out the solution. Thinking of you always and so glad we met that day in the NICU. It is nice to see a familiar face in such a horrible place! Love to you all and mostly prayers for your family!!!!

Sara said...

Thank you for checking in on us Amy! We're thinking of you and sweet Caitlyn as we camp out in our old room. You certainly are a bright spot in our hospital adventure. Much love to you friend.