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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Hope Deferred

We were elated to gaze into Ava's eyes at her birthday party on Sunday. We were thrilled to watch the Cardinals game with our sweet Bean on Monday night. But throughout the week, Ava has had increasing difficulty keeping her oxygen saturation levels up. Today she turned blue for nearly a minute and needed rescue breaths to bring her back. Now we're hovering as she breathes more than 80 times a minute. Her brain is struggling to get the oxygen it needs, but can't coordinate keeping her airway open.

How do we actively trust in God's perfect will, and press with every ounce of strength we have against the door that appears to be closing?

It's too soon. Mamas shouldn't say goodbye to their babies.

 
Sisters should have time for sleepovers, and sharing clothes and secrets.

 
Daddies should get to walk their daughters down the isle.

Instead, we have a year of beautiful pictures.



We have precious moments captured in our hearts and memories.


And we have hope that God does indeed make everything beautiful in it's time. Ava is truly beautiful.  
 

A few nights ago I read aloud to Ava from the bible. I read from Mark 5, about a synagog official named Jairus who seeks out Jesus to come heal his dying daughter. Jesus agrees to go home with him. When another official comes to report that Jairus' daughter has died, and he shouldn't trouble Jesus any longer, Jesus, hearing this, says:

"Do not be afraid any longer. Only believe."

We've been asking God this week to show us how to believe. 

That Jesus is our hope and the One who can make Ava well... 

That Jesus is coming with us where we are going...

That we do not need to fear...

In the middle of our preoccupation with Ava, Elizabeth has been struggling with a virus and is enduring her sixth day of fevers. Now Hannah Mae has come down with it and both of them are pretty miserable. We need an extra measure of grace. Today two friends helped change bedding, clean floors and hold Ava. Tomorrow two more will come to help. 

Thank you Lord for your daily bread.

11 comments:

Courtney said...

Praying, grieving, and hoping with you. Give me a call if we can help.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Sara and Matt, I was thrilled for you as you celebrated on Sunday. We are many hours ahead of you time wise and many, many times I prayed that Sunday would bring much joy and love and peace as you celebrated Ava's truly amazing life. My heart aches for you now as it has does many times this past year. You have been and continue to be such a strength and inspiration as we battle through an ongoing natural disaster. I read your blog and am reminded to look for beauty, to be thankful for may blessings and to love my darling boys with all my heart. I continue to pray and send love to your dear family from afar.
Katherine, Christchurch, NZ

The Piechocinski Family said...

Praying for all of you to be well and have peace. I'm just down the street if you need anything. Jaime

fearGD said...

Dear Sweet Sweet Sarah,
As I read this post my heart breaks for you. It is so true we should not have to bury our children. I am sorry I have not been praying for you these last few days as you know we are dealing with the death of John. We had his funeral on Tuesday. I will try to remember you once again in my prayers. But from A Mama who has buried two of her children in 5 years I CAN say GOD will walk you all the way. You will see God and Eternity and Life in a whole new way... People who have not been there can not know this.. it is a special Gift that God gives us... ( one I wish we could receive differently)
I am HERE... still standing to testify, You will get through it...When you need call ...

Misha Leigh. said...

Praying. So heartbroken for you even having to ask some of these questions.

Maria W said...

I woke up this morning thinking of Ava. Though it is her birthday, she is giving a gift to so many people just by being the wonderful little baby that she is.
My heart is breaking for what you and Matt are going through. I know there is nothing on earth that can bring you comfort, but know you are in the prayers of so many.
I listened to this song this morning and thought of your beautiful girls....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVam-fshUgw

Debbie & Wiley Rankin said...

We are sending our love & praying. Also thanking God for His many mercies as well. Pray for Ava & for strength & health for all. God bless.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, precious Ava! My husband and I from the US and worked with your sister in law Julia in Cologne several years ago. When I met Julia we were praying for your Elizabeth. I found your blog after searching a while back to find out how Elizabeth was doing. I have continued to check in and have been praying for Ava all this time. All your girls are so beautiful. I was so thrilled to read how Ava was so present for her party. I am praying for you now as you face the uncertain days ahead. Sending hugs and prayers your way from Dusseldorf, Germany. --Shannon Musselman

paulafaith said...

Happy birthday sweet and precious Ava. You have made a difference in my life this past year. Though I have not personally gazed into your beautiful eyes, I have held them in my thoughts. God has truly been glorified in and through your life and that of your family.

Love and prayers from Michael and Paula Regier, Visalia, California

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I have been reading your posts for a few months. I cannot possibly experience life in your shoes but my heart truly aches for you and your family as I read right now. Continue to know that there are people you have never met who are praying to hold you up in a time like this when there is no standing up on your own. God bless.

Rebecca Johnson said...

Sara,
I see you passing at school and marvel at your strength and grace in the most difficult of times. You are experiencing a trial no mother should face and my heart breaks for you. I do not understand the why's of this heartache, but what I do know is your children have such beautiful spirits because of you and Matt. God bless you Sara, much love, Rebecca Johnson (Ben's mother)