Today is no different. We carry with us the emptiness that Ava left behind. Yet in that space, there is much peace as we find moments to be present together with our three daughters in ways we frankly have always dreamed about.
Yesterday I came downstairs and the was struck again by the awful reality that the three girls playing picnic in the living room were all my children. No little sister would grow up to join them. Moments later, Hannah and Ruby proudly showed off the pile of books they'd emptied from their bookshelves and assembled in the center of the room. I realized I didn't have anything else to do, so we sat, and read books together.
Ava's care was so all consuming.
I would resume it again in a heartbeat.
But the reality is, She doesn't need me right now. Instead, her sisters have me now, available to them in a way that blesses all of our hearts. I can grieve her passing AND thank God for the gift of time with the daughters I have with me. I can miss Ava every moment while also feeling grateful that our new normal includes space for buying our first pet, "girls-day" trips to the salon for summer hair-cuts, growing vegetables and spontaneous outings to the zoo.
There is grace to do both.