For months, I've had nothing to say. I couldn't name what was happening inside for anyone else. The sheer intensity of life and trying to stay present in the moments that filled each day left no room for silence and writing and sharing. So I have treasured things in my heart and waited for the time I knew would come.

I didn't know what exactly I needed. But God did. Slowly, He's created for me a space. 

A special place to remember. 

In the fall, a dear friend helped me redesign my living room. She placed the framed picture of Ava under the clock...so we would see it many times a day. Shortly after that, we received the memorial piece we'd had made for Ava. A beautiful piece of art, custom created by Mitchell Lonas. 

Finally, Grandma Harms' moving truck arrived this week with her precious things from her home with Grandpa in California. She had set aside this chair for us and as soon as I sat in it, I burst into tears. I wasn't sure why, until I realized, this recliner felt exactly like the one I sat in with my Ava Bean for hours and hours during her 84 days in the NICU. My body knew where it was.

 

As we look ahead to Ava's Day next Friday, I plan to spend many moments in this little slice of heaven. Cuddling my sweet girls, remembering our Ava Bean and reflecting on the journey of the past months. I look forward to sharing it little by little...in time.