Ava's Glorious Day

What a day.

I woke up at 5:50am with the lyrics to Tim Hughes' "Oh Happy Day" in my head. Strange. But I couldn't shake them! I kept finding myself humming, "oh, what a glorious day"....until I finally had to look up
the rest of the song.

The greatest day in history,

Death is beaten

You have rescued me

Sing it out, Jesus is alive!

The empty cross, The empty grave

Life eternal You have won the day

Shout it out, Jesus is alive!

He's alive!

Oh happy day, happy day

You washed my sin away

Oh happy day, happy day

I'll never be the same

Forever I am changed

When I stand, in that place

Free at last, meeting face to face

I am Yours Jesus You are mine

Endless joy, perfect peace

Earthly pain finally will cease

Celebrate Jesus is alive!

He's alive!

Oh what a glorious day!

What a glorious way

That You have saved me!

Oh what a glorious day!

What a glorious name!

What a perfect thing to remember today.

Because He is alive, Ava is alive, and is spending her second birthday gloriously, wonderfully WHOLE! What a celebration she must be having!

Here in our yard, in celebration of Ava Day, our very first peony (we've decided it's Ava's flower) was ready to burst into bloom...

Grandma came to care for the girls, and spent the morning at a school event with Elizabeth's class.

As a result, Matt and I had precious together time over breakfast and then walked through the Missouri Botanical Gardens to see their peonies in glorious color. Oh how their bright and happy blooms just delight my heart! We sat by the lake and read a few cards from friends and family. We read your texts and emails and felt the love from all over. 

We arrived home to prepare for our Ava Day family celebration and a backyard bar-b-que. The girls and I made lemon cupcakes with sparkly pink icing which were lovingly decorated and later joyfully consumed! It's a birthday tradition in our family that everyone shares something they love about the birthday girl (or boy), so Ava got her turn and we all shared our memories and special stories. What a year of experiences we had with our Little Bean.

Finally, we had a backyard camp-out tonight, complete with campfire, hotdogs, marshmallows and the girls' first experience sleeping in a tent! Good thing their Daddy is a great sleeper. I left them to their adventure, and I'm going to enjoy a comfy bed and quiet house as long as I can!

As I climb into bed, I look out at the perfectly round moon, and am again awestruck by God's faithfulness to bring so much beauty out of so much sorrow. We ache to hold our sweet one. We shed tears over our loss. And yet we are full to running over with precious memories and gratefulness for the time we had together.

Thank you all for your cards, flowers, texts, and emails, voice-mails and pictures of the moon from all over the world tonight! You love us so well.

Goodnight dear ones and goodnight Ava Bean.

A Year With Ava

Someone knew us.

Someone knew that capturing moments and people we love on film might be called my "love language".

Someone knew our time with our sweet girl was precious and short.

And that someone, also knew the talented Josh and Amy Heater at SweetTea Media and asked them to give us the gift of a lifetime.

In March, three months before Ava died, Amy offered to begin coming to our home and following our family to capture the moments we lived and played with and cherished our Ava Bean. We couldn't say YES fast enough! You've already seen some of the footage in the video we played at Ava's memorial service, but that was only a slice of the treasured moments they captured.

The movie below is another treasure. For me, it's 20 minutes of grace. I feel like I can almost touch her again. Reliving those moments and remembering the dear people who made them possible has been part of my therapy this week.

We still don't know who that Someone is. But we are forever grateful.

A Year With Ava from sweetTea media on Vimeo.

Special thanks to Stephen Miller for use of his songs I Surrender All and How Deep the Father's Love for Us
www.stephen-miller.com

Ava's Nest

Last April, Matt traveled to New Orleans for a medical conference and happened to walk by a studio hosting an exhibit by Mitchell Lonas, and was enthralled. He stood in front of the enormous pieces of art and was blown away by the intricate nests carved into metal canvases.We dreamed about having his work in our home.

When it became clear that Ava was moving closer to heaven, Matt and I decided we wanted to have her body cremated. Though we knew her spirit was free and whole and in the presence of her Creator, the idea of her body being laid to rest anywhere away from us, simply broke our hearts, and we couldn't do it.

 Shortly after her memorial service, Matt was put in touch with Mitchell, and asked if he'd be willing to create a memorial piece for our Little Bird. She has left our nest. She is at peace and we couldn't imagine a better way to treasure her memory. Mitchell graciously agreed, and in October, we received this breathtaking tribute to our precious girl.

Thank you to Ashleigh Blevins for capturing Ava's Nest on film.

For months, I've had nothing to say. I couldn't name what was happening inside for anyone else. The sheer intensity of life and trying to stay present in the moments that filled each day left no room for silence and writing and sharing. So I have treasured things in my heart and waited for the time I knew would come.

I didn't know what exactly I needed. But God did. Slowly, He's created for me a space. 

A special place to remember. 

In the fall, a dear friend helped me redesign my living room. She placed the framed picture of Ava under the clock...so we would see it many times a day. Shortly after that, we received the memorial piece we'd had made for Ava. A beautiful piece of art, custom created by Mitchell Lonas. 

Finally, Grandma Harms' moving truck arrived this week with her precious things from her home with Grandpa in California. She had set aside this chair for us and as soon as I sat in it, I burst into tears. I wasn't sure why, until I realized, this recliner felt exactly like the one I sat in with my Ava Bean for hours and hours during her 84 days in the NICU. My body knew where it was.

 

As we look ahead to Ava's Day next Friday, I plan to spend many moments in this little slice of heaven. Cuddling my sweet girls, remembering our Ava Bean and reflecting on the journey of the past months. I look forward to sharing it little by little...in time.