In 2013, in the midst of a deep depression, struggling with anxiety and slogging though daily life with three small kids and a difficult season of our marriage, I sat on the phone listening to a friend whose marriage was on the brink. I knew I didn't have answers or quick fixes, but I did have words of hope. I did have experiences to share...times when God had met me in dark places, when I'd seen God sustain our marriage and family through betrayals, brokenness and heartbreak. We were not yet "out of the woods", and yet I could see very clearly that God wasn't waiting for our marriage or my life to be "fixed" or "perfect" before using our story to encourage someone. I saw how, through my own experience with depression and anxiety, God was allowing me greater connections with my neighbors who struggled with depression and mental illness. I was humbled.
My broken places, and OUR broken places had become cracks through which His comfort and hope were now streaming.
In that time and place, God graciously gave me eyes to see a spiritual reality of his work.
In that time and place, God graciously gave me eyes to see a spiritual reality of his work.
*****
In
my mind, Matt and I were walking through a forest on a dark night.
There were roots and branches and obstructions in our path, and our only
light came from a small lantern, which we each carried. I looked
around me & noticed others with lanterns scattered throughout a
mass of people who were all walking with us. We were holding hands and
slowly, step by step making it through the forest, finding our footing,
then turning back to shine the light for our neighbor. It was slow,
messy work, but I know we were all making it through the forest
together. I also knew it would be much easier if there was someone
perched atop a mountain looking down on us who could shout out
directions! However, it was clear to me then, that this slow path was
the means to get the most people through and to the other side.God wasn't giving either me or my friend the whole picture. Neither of us could rely on verbal directions from an expert or book or blog to orient us ahead of time to the struggles and trials we'd encounter or guarantee us safe passage. Instead he'd placed us together. Each one who had a light was sharing their own light with those closest to them, and that light, that truth, that revelation about who God was for us there, was helping and was enough.
*****
Many
friends, mentors and family members have shared their lantern-light
with us over the years. They have stood with us in the dark, taken us by
the hand and walked with us through the forest of loss and suffering
and brokenness. And it has been a profound and humbling honor to share
the light of truth and life and hope we've been given with those near
us.
Last Sunday, during a teaching series on suffering, we had the opportunity to share our journey to date with our NYC church family. It was as honest and raw a conversation as we've ever been able to have, and for both Matt and I it was a moment of holding out our lanterns to light up the forest for those nearest to us. In many ways, with Elizabeth's recent surgery, and two more scheduled for this summer, we remain in that forest. God continues to make us dependent daily on His mercy and grace, invites us to travel by the lantern light of those around us, and share our light with others. We've never been made to do this alone. What a privilege.
If you would like to hear the recording of our conversation, you can listen to it here. If you're in New York City and would like to be part of a community of Jesus followers who would love to share our lanterns with you, please come visit us at Trinity Grace Church, Westside.
Sara & Matt
